Packaging Lies.
Pardon me for getting off track for a moment. I suppose that first of all I have to give some excuse for not writing for days, busy week, busier weekend (putting up that darned misplaced wall again), blah blah blah. Actually, maybe I don’t need to apologize, since it is my BLOG. In any case, let me rant a moment, or not, as you prefer. (If you choose, not, just go up to your browser and go to another favorite site).
House full of girl scouts tonight. My son and I were able to escape most of it by going to worship at the temple of Home Improvement. We bought wooooood, and naaaaaaaiiiiils. Tomorrow, since he is out of school and I took a day of leave, we are going to finish framing the basement bathroom. I just can’t wait to Blog about all of the mistakes I will probably make on the pocket door frame I’m going to install. But, as usual, I digress.
The girl scouts had a late gift exchange, you know, for Christmas? Tonight. So one girl got something I’ve never seen before called Moon Sand, which, according to the package “never dries out.” Okay, this is my rant. First of all, if that is true, if it NEVER dries out, isn’t that kind of creepy? I mean, everything dries out eventually right? I could buy some moon sand today and when I’m ninety and shriveled up and hunched over because my joints are drying out and my bones are brittle, the moon sand would still be wet? Isn’t that wrong somehow?
The truth is it probably will dry out, and probably within the first few months after it’s opened. Which leads me to the second part of this – how many advertising slogans are there that as soon as you see them on a package you KNOW absolutely that the company is lying. Here are the handful I can think of right off the bat. These slogans have all been laboratory tested (in my home) through practical trial and error.
Won’t make a mess. Doesn’t leave stains. Never needs ironing. Lasts six months. Tastes just like the real thing. Has no unpleasant odor. Food won’t stick. Easy to assemble. Never dries out. Simple and fun. Adheres instantly. Fast acting. No side effects. Dries in minutes.
Ready for your additions….
January 29th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
lowest prices ever
January 30th, 2008 at 12:11 am
Easy to use.
One size fits all
Never needs sharpening
January 30th, 2008 at 2:32 am
I’ve noticed that a lot of companies’ marketing now instead of trying to ’spin’ a defect as a feature, or pretend it doesn’t matter, just blatantly lie. Take airlines: it used to be that if they had, say, narrow seats, they’d try to sell you on their cheap prices. Now they just have narrow seats and advertise based on having wide seats. I guess the idea is that you’re more likely to remember their marketing than which airline you had that miserable flight in the narrow seats with.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Now, better tasting. Which I always read as “We used to taste like crap, but don’t anymore.”
January 30th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Dafydd—yours reminds me of another packaging peeve. “FAT FREE!”—seen on gummy bears and similar candies. Which always makes me want to say, well yes, but no kidding and why is that relevant?
January 30th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Or even better, O GRAMS OF TRANS FAT!!!!
Oh yeah, 1002 grams of the other kind of fat.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
O Grams of Trans Fat gets me too, there can actually be 0.5g per serving but they can still say O grams of trans fat. What kind of sense does that make? You have to actually read through all that crap to look for partially hydrogenated soybean oil. I guess if you have to read through all that crap you probably shouldn’t be eating it anyway.
January 31st, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Ahhh Karrie. It makes the same sense as the Car advertisements that claim the price marked is the lowest price available…then the salesman still has to talk to the manager. I used to say, if you leave this spot, I won’t buy a car from you. Take this offer or I walk. Now I just use USAA buyer referral and let them haggle.
No hidden charges. (that’s right, they were right there at the bottom of your cell phone contract in Arial Smurf Super Narrow size 4 font).
Easy maintenance. (if you are a rocket scientist or nuclear engineer, or dabble in particle physics…maybe).
Lightweight. (This one really irks me because…well…I can pick it up in the store and KNOW it’s a lie. What, they think I’m weak AND stupid?)
February 17th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I saw a sign last year while in Sydney for a beer called Blonde (I believe)… it was a picture of the bottle with a halo over the top and wings… like an angel… and the caption said , “What beer comes back as!”
hmmm.. not sure if I’d like the taste of it as I know what beer comes back as…
February 20th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Heh. Hopefully you won’t be trying it soon.
Oh…here’s one I saw today. “Fun-to-assemble” AS IF!