Archive for the ‘The Current Middle Ages’ Category

Count Alistair DeMonet

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

Our wandering merchant was probably one of the most “hated” characters of the day.  His job was to sell some items needed for the quest, and a whole bunch of items that were merely decorative, or completely worthless.   His real job was to fleece the groups for everything they had, something for which our merchant seemed to have a real knack, and to always be as far away from the group that needed him most at any given moment.  He would go on and on about the origins of the items, their magical properties, how difficult it was being a merchant….     Several times during the day you could hear the familiar refrain echoing through the woods, “I’M GOING TO KILL THAT MERCHANT!”   Yeah, they really loved the Count.

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to enchant semi-precious stones and then arrange them in decorative patterns?  Why the costs of the materials alone are worth twice what you are offering me!  I have a family to feed!  You can’t really be serious!”

The Dragon....or...what passed for one.

The Dragon....or...what passed for one.

Somehow one of the dragon’s two ears got bent back and flopped around during the day.  The kids spent more time trying to figure out why the dragon was “missing” an ear than they did trying to figure out how to kill it.  It was invulnerable to all attacks, and impervious to most magic.  There was however a magic spear (fairly obvious if you took the time to look for it) standing in the ground behind the dragon.  All they had to do was stealth past the Dragon, or distract it, and get the spear…then hit the dragon before he hit them.  Easy!

Still More Awesome Friends

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008
The Sorceress

The Sorceress

The Sorceress possessed spells desired by the groups and wore the fabled Diamond of Glimmermere that Raurik the Demented so desperately desired. The diamond, it was rumored, would keep one’s armor from rusting indefinitely. I’m not sure if our Sorceress named her familiar, but I called him Spike! She valiantly sat wearing black, in the hot sun and humid air, for nearly four hours. What patience and dedication!

The Wise Sage

The Wise Sage

The Sage challenged the group to select the wisest among them to play a game with him. Upon a very large grid were arrayed before them any number of fantastic creatures on both sides. The Sage would advance a piece and make some comment explaining the move like; “I advance my Hobgoblin within sight of your Red Dragon.”

The kids would invariably say, “What are the rules?”

“If you are wise,” the Sage would reply, “you surely know the answer to that.”

Then they would advance something and the Sage would nod approvingly, “Ahhh, you have brought forward your blue ice devil. A good move, but not the best you could have made,” or words to that effect.

This would go on for some time until the group finally figured out that there were no rules. The rules were whatever they made them out to be. One ingenious group demanded, after several rounds of play, that the Sage switch seats with them, since he clearly knew more then they did. Then used the rules he had already elucidated for his own pieces to remove the other side from the field. Fun for all. For their troubles, they earned a map of all the other characters in the land.

More to follow tomorrow…

More Awesome Friends

Tuesday, September 16th, 2008

I thought I would add a few more pics from the birthday party.  Please let me know if you like them.  :-)

The Mysterious Sorceress

The Mysterious Prophetess

The prophetess would look into the future for the group and provide them with one or more prophecies.  Most were linked directly to clues in the game, though some were just downright distractions.  Who can tell when a prophecy is good or bad.  The knight in the forest, Raurik the Demented, could only be killed by cutting off his arms and legs, even though the kids kept trying to hit his head and/or body.  ONe of the prophecies said “some knights would give an arm and a leg for a noble death.”  Unfortunately, no one drew that clue from the Chest at the Prophetess side.  She also had one of the three main items in the overall quest, a huge amethyst, which she happened to be wearing on her finger…though the groups didn’t catch on at first.

Raurik the Demented

Raurik the Demented

Raurik blocked the path leading farther into the forest towards the Ogre and the Dragon.  He was a stalwart opponent to any that came upon him.  Immune to most spells, he certainly occupied a lot of the group’s time as they tried to figure out how to beat him.

The Healer

The Healer

If the kids thought the healer was going to be a kind old man who would heal their boo-boos, they were sadly mistaken.  Ours was grumpy, crotchety, and difficult.  We laid out a bed and a whole table full of saws and hammers and implements of cutting.  Once they talked around his bad mood however, they might learn that they could regain a life by paying a Florin, or gain something more valuable by helping the healer with his lame leg.

The Innkeeper

The Innkeeper

One of the Innkeeper’s jobs was to talk very slowly and deliberately and keep the group engaged.  Ours did a marvelous job.  At one point one groups’ eyes were literally glazing over.  The innkeeper had gargoyles on his inn that he would sell, was seeking the return of his missing bottles of wine, happened to have eye of newt on stack and wanted to get some fairy cinammon sticks and cardamon seed to mull it with.  He would also pay Florins for any group that entertained his patrons.  One group of teens performed “I’m a Little Teapot,” with all the hand gestures, for which they earned multiple Florins.  Okay, I guess no one at our house was quite “normal” that day.

More tomorrow if there is still interest.

How Awesome You Ask?

Monday, September 15th, 2008

Sometime during preparation for our son’s birthday party, I figured out that we just aren’t normal. My wife and I were traveling to a Military Ball dressed like this:

These people look normal right?

These people look normal right?

As we drove the hour to our destination, my wife was balancing a notebook on her lap, checking and crosschecking the characters for our son’s medieval/fantasy birthday party, and ensuring that we weren’t missing any props or costumes or cross references. “So the Ogre has the crystalized Ogre sweat?” she asked, adjusting the strap on her sequined gown.

“Yes, which he’ll give up for a love letter from Seraphina,” I said, checking with one hand to ascertain if my bow tie was straight.

“How will they know to get a love letter from her?”

“He has written one to his Someone Speshul, which they should figure out is her after all her sighing and mooning about.”

“And the gargoyles?” she asked.

“He trades the fairy princess he kidnapped for the gargolye,” I said.

“Right. So who is the guest speaker at the ball tonight?”

We drove on like this intermingling occasional cell phone calls to reality with jotting down prop and costume notes.

At one point as we were going through this and I thought about all the preparation people were doing at home to get ready, I said “We have awesome friends, I mean, what normal people have friends who will dress up in costumes and spend the day pretending to be mythical creatures or people?”

There was a pause, then I realized, “We’re not normal.” I guess I’ve known it most of my life, but I’ve done a pretty good job of pretending. Apparently, all of our friends fit into a category that one of my colleagues affectionately calls “misfits.” (He counts himself in that group, as do I). Herewith are a few sample pictures of the type of friends we have:

Queen Rivien, The Fairy Queen and Questgiver

Queen Rivien, The Fairy Queen and Questgiver

All of the pictures of Rivien turned out with this halo of mist around them. We think maybe the lens had moisture on it from the humidity that dried out before we took pictures of anyone else. Either that, or it’s real fairy dust.

Seraphina, the Fairy Queen's Alchemist

Seraphina, the Fairy Queen's Alchemist

Seraphina was connected to several quest lines, but my favorite was apparent in this picture. She was pining for a true love to come and take her away. It turned out to be the Ogre Grog…that took the kids some figuring out, though there were any number of clues…

The Cavalier/Pirate Porthos

The Cavalier/Pirate Porthos

“You stole that wine from the innkeeper!” “I did not! This wine was a gift to me from the Queen of America…” Awesome roleplaying and incredible but safe fencing in a controlled environment…

Grog the Ogre and his Friend

Grog the Ogre and his Friend

It was an hour and a half before anyone got back to Grog deep in the woods. He had taken to singing Ogre songs to himself and talking to his friend. If you asked his friend’s name, he’d say “Grog not sure, Ogre names are what sound you like to make. My friend’s name is either AAAAAAAH! or OW MY LEG! or NOOOOOO! or AN OGRE!!, but I don’t think it’s Ogre cause that’s copyrighted.”

So that is the first little batch. If you like them, I will post more. The role-playing was phenomenal. Our friends are AWESOME. Oh, and in answer to the question: “Who has friends like this?” Apparently all of my friends have friends like this. That makes us misfits I assume…

We Have Awesome Friends

Monday, September 15th, 2008

Oops…didn’t hit the publish button…so now you get the pic today!

Today was our son’s sixteenth birthday party (not his actual birthday, just the party). He wanted a medieval/fantasy party and we obliged. Fifteen roleplayers lived out a living moving quest for nearly three hours while fourteen teenagers fought, puzzled, quested and worked their way through The fairy Queen Rivien, her alchemist Seraphina, the Fairy Princesses Willow and Luna, an Ogre named Grog, Raurik the Demented Knight, a Dragon, a Leprechaun named Paddy O’Furniture, Porthos the Cavalier, a Sorceress, a Prophetess, a Healer, a Sage, and a wandering merchant named Count Alistair DeMonet (or as he is known in the hood, Count All de Money). I am too exhausted to describe the details of the entire day yet, or to even post pictures of it all, but I cannot go to sleep without saying THANK YOU to all the people who sweated and toiled in and out of armor and costumes today. You are all awesome.

I’ll try this week to tell you a bit about the 30+ quest lines that the kids were following and put up some pics, especially a picture of the MOST AMAZING CAKE my wife made, from scratch. Those who were there will testify…it was an awesome day!!

Cake Pic:

Have you ever seen a home made cake as fearsome?!

Have you ever seen a home made cake as fearsome?!

Best Buy Awakens and Other Words of Hope

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008

For those interested in the nitnoid details of my shopping experience with Best Buy I feel I owe you an update. As many have expected I contacted the nice Best Buy corporate lady after she left a message here on my BLOG. Her response follows:

Hello Jervis,

I read the Blog and I could tell that there is a lot of frustration involved in this experience. I’m truly sorry for any aggravation and inconvenience this situation has caused. As I said, I would be glad to look into the situation further and reach out to the appropriate management teams.

It would be very helpful if you could provide me with your phone number, service order number and/or the customer service pin from the receipts. This would help me locate the information in our system. Do you have names of any employees that you talked with? Is there anything else I should know about the situation?

Further, please describe where this is at as of now and how you would prefer Best Buy to resolve the issues. I will be glad to look into what possibilities there are and hope to find a resolution that is satisfactory to you.

Let me know if you have any other questions or concerns.

Sincerely,

Lisa
Geek Squad Public Defender
Executive Resolution Team

I answered her on Saturday. I believe that I was thankful and polite, but still clear in the fact that I was quite frustrated with her company. I identified some of the characters in my Blog post by name so that she could verify my story and gave her all the customer PIN numbers and receipt information I had, including all the exchanges of wireless cards etc. I also pointed out that it was already beyond the guaranteed 72 hours and I had not yet heard back from the geek squad.

Sunday late afternoon, Master Geek (the helpful and fairly competent one) called me back and said that he had been working on my computer. The good news was that he had the wireless adapter up and running. The bad news was the program I had left wouldn’t run on Windows Vista. (I knew that, that’s why I brought it in). I reminded him that his store had sold me the computer and said that I could run other software in compatibility mode. I then asked about the printer driver. He explained that he couldn’t fid the printer driver because I hadn’t brought the printer in. I pointed out that the printer was part of the HP package deal and that they had one in the store. I had brought in the driver disk in any case. He said he didn’t know the model number. I suggested that he look in the work order for the receipt number and look it up. He asked if I could just get the model number for him, but then acknowledged that he supposed he could look it up since he had my phone number. By that time I had the model number and gave it to him. He said I’d hear from them again when they had it running.

Monday mid day I heard from Lisa. She asked me to give her a few days to research the issue now that she had the data. I replied to her note again, thanking her for her interest and expressing hope that we would be able to work this out. I also suggested that I didn’t want to profit from this whole experience, I just wanted a working computer for my daughter and thought that having spent more than three thousand dollars in the store in a short period of time would allow me some understanding on the part of store management. By Monday night I assumed that Lisa would be working her way down to the store while the geek squad continued to work on my computer. I assumed I wouldn’t hear from Best Buy again for several weeks. So, here is where I become a roadkill on the highway to shock and awe.

The in service store manager called me this evening, let’s call him Mr Efficient. I’ll summarize the conversation since it was very long, very apologetic and very, well…efficient. Mr. Efficient explains that he was contacted by Best Buy Corporate today and that he had read my blog post and the information that followed. He tells me that others in the store have read and it will be used as a training example for remedial training for the staff. (I will admit this makes me feel more positive about the store, if it is true. If it isn’t true, it still makes me feel more positive about the store).

He tells me that he knows that Master Geek fixed the wireless adapter and he believes that he has fixed the printer driver, but that he wants to see it run the printer. He will personally check it out. He is very apologetic about the whole episode. He then explains that there is a problem with a lot of the software we want to run, because the HP is running Windows Vista and is a 64 bit system. Most of my programs are 32 bit programs. I explain again that I showed the programs I wanted to run to his staff before I got the recommendation on which computer to buy. He says he understands that and wants to work through it with me.

He says that within a year most of the software in the store will be running on 64 bit, but if I really want a 32 bit computer and won’t be happy with the HP even after they get everything running, and even though it is beyond the 14 day exchange period, they will take the computer back and help me find one that will work for me. He also says that he feels bad that this computer was for my daughter and she still doesn’t have it. He suggests that Best Buy make up for some of the lost programs by giving her a gift card with which she can buy new software that will run on the 64 bit machine. I explain that I am not looking to profit from the experience. Those who know me will know that I mean this. I am actually happier at the thought that they might train their employees better in future than I am about a gift card. Then he says the card isn’t for you you understand, but for your daughter. She will probably be studying and using the computer for school and she should have a computer that works. I accede that if Best Buy wants to give her a gift card, that would be very kind, but that what I really want is a functioning computer.

We talk through the options that remain. He will get the HP fixed to the best of his ability, personally checking that it is repaired before calling back and that it should only take a few days. If I am still not satisfied with the computer, he will take it back and help us select another. I suggest we take it one step at a time. I thank him for his time and tell him I look forward to hearing from him.

So. Will Best Buy live up to Mr. Efficient’s phone call? I’m actually believing they will. I certainly have to hope they will. My daughter was standing in the kitchen listening to the entire phone conversation and i could sense that she was trying to be supportive without looking too needy. She was really looking forward to a new computer for her birthday. At this point, that was five weeks ago. Let’s hope things work out for the best.

I do have one question though if the Best Buy web crawlers are still out there. Why is the nice Best Buy Lady’s job title “Geek Squad Public Defender?”

Catch Phrases

Thursday, July 3rd, 2008

Cathy got me thinking about catch phrases and personal mottoes. Those things that people put at the bottom of emails sometimes, often quotes from a dead poet or general or politician. I prefer my catchphrases to be my own. I also like it when others have a catch phrase that people associate them with.

Lately my catch phrase has been “Speak truth to power,” which isn’t so much my own, as it is so common that there isn’t anyone specific to quote. A lot of folks continue to toss it back to me in emails and letters, so I must have been using it more than I thought lately.
I’ve had other personal catch phrases in the past: “How much for a thousand of them?” comes to mind. (I like to shop, especially in the developing world where that question is not only valid, but often very frugal).

In our medieval household, we used to joke about how spiff we’d look by imagining a conversation with someone who didn’t know us. Them: “Who’s that?” Squire: “That’s Viscount Richard.” Them: “Can he fight?” Squire: “No, but he looks good!!”

I remember in the “way back” when I’d be working on armor in my garage at the multi-armed monster made of railroad iron (no Keith, I still don’t want to know where it came from) and I’d be looking for a tool. Two particular catch phrases come to mind. Me: “Where is my drill?” David: “You don’t know do you?” Me: “Michael, do you know where my drill is?” Michael: “If it was up your A$$ you’d know!” Me: “Very helpful…both of you.” (I’m not making this up…really. Cleaning it up a bit, since there are children who read this site, but not changing one word). You can see why we didn’t get a lot of armor made. Once I started chasing them around the garage with the located power drill… other catch phrases would fly.

Of course, the newest one…from Dave during our sessions of gaming, and based upon two obvious occurrences: “An arrow in the butt is better than a spear in the winky!” Now who says we are stuffy and old-fashioned? I can’t wait to see the T-shirt.

I’m certain that there were dozens of others…I’m just getting that CRS stuff. So I’m hoping you all will fill in the blanks. Didn’t we used to have a lot more catch phrases?

Four Armored Men Riding in Triumph

Tuesday, March 25th, 2008

Today I drove through the back gate of Ft. Myer, something I’ve done a few thousand times in the past twenty-eight years. Today however, I had one of those crossovers through the nexus that most people refer to as memories. Perhaps it was the angle of the sunlight on the guard shack where the two Military Police (MPs) were standing, perhaps it was the smell of the spring air – all I know is one moment I was driving through the gate to visit the retirement office and the next I was nineteen again and passing through the gate in the other direction while the MPs stood gaping with their mouths open.

I don’t recall what was wrong with my car on that day in 1981, but three of my friends and I were in a quandry over how we would get to SCA fighter practice in Fall’s Church. Neither Ken nor Tim had a car, mine was out of commission for some reason, and Jeff, well Jeff had a little green Triumph Spitfire with two seats and a micro trunk. So the four of us stood by his car in the parking lot scratching our heads and trying to figure out how to stuff four armor bags into a space made for one. It didn’t work. I am a master packer, but I couldn’t get more than the shields and a few pieces of loose armor into that miniscule space.

I don’t recall if it was one person in particular or more of a group think moment, but before long we had our solution. We put the shields in the trunk along with what few swords would fit and donned the rest of our armor. Jeff was driving (in armor), Tim sat in the front seat (in armor) and Ken and I sat on the trunk of the car with our legs crammed in the tight space behind the passenger seats. We each held a pole weapon and a greatsword with points skyward as Jeff pulled out, stopping only to raise the visor on his Spangen helm so that he could at least pretend to be able to see where he was going.

There were no seat belt laws in Virginia that we knew of in 1981, but there were definitely seat laws. Only two of us actually had seats. There surely must have been a law about driving with little ability to turn one’s head. I recall that we all expected to be stopped by the MPs at the gate, but as we approached, the two on duty turned to look at us and gaped with mouths open as we passed. I have a vague recollection of having to dismount to leave post, but perhaps I am confusing that with what I thought we should have done at the time.

I clearly recall driving all the way to Syr Strykar’s house in Falls Church with the four of us chanting and singing and screaming and causing quite a commotion. We passed several police cars but they just gaped and watched us drive by. I guess it was a simpler time then. Today there would probably be SWAT teams and take downs and guys in white coats with padded ambulances.

As I drove through the gate this morning and had the rapid flashback, I actually toyed with the idea of recreating the event just to test the theory. I wonder what would happen…?

Nothing Is Impossible

Tuesday, January 8th, 2008

In my circle of friends there is an unspoken rule, “don’t mention any potential project out loud, no matter how wild or impossible it might seem at the time, unless you really want me to do it.” At work, I’m normally a big idea guy. I think the big thoughts, see the big picture, plan the grand scheme, and someone else gets to fill in all the little details like, oh, making the impossible possible. I get to manage, direct, decide, and execute (in the executive sense), but I seldom get to do anything.

At home, I like to get my hands dirty and actually see a project through from fertile idea to splendid though often exhausting completion. I have a high success rate, which means I am constantly crossing things off my ‘honey do’ list, but my honey also continues to add things, as do I, which means the list never seems to end. This is how we end up with a sixteen foot long bridge over our creek sturdy enough to drive a truck full of stone over (or fight upon in armor), a forest fairy play set with towers that have individually cut and hand painted tar paper leaves, and a deck the shape of a redbud leaf with a stem of stairs leading to the water. We have a faux stained glass window hanging in our foyer that is eight feet in diameter and weighs several hundred pounds, an English parterre with raised beds in the backyard, and any number of projects ongoing in the basement and garage.

Many of them started with words from the forbidden list, “wouldn’t it be cool if…” or “what if you could…” or “I’ll bet you might be able to…” — you get the idea. We’ve built eight foot tall castle walls out of paper mache’ rocks (enough to decorate the walls of an entire union hall), built a cake in the shape of a castle that was fourteen inches tall and four feet on a side (and required us to remove the door frame to get it out of the house), and have plans for a portable tudor style home that could be transported in a semi-trailer.

At one point in my life, when I spent time working in a specific medium for a period of time before moving on to another, my friends were very wary of allowing me to be exposed to ideas. I saw a medieval pavilion (tent) in a book and decided to make one. Then I made twelve more. I saw a picture of a wooden bed and decided I could easily build one. Or six. I made my friends some medieval armor. Then I made several other sets. It was a wonderful time of life. Have an idea, make it reality. See something I liked, make one myself.

One day some friends came over while I was lying on the floor watching TV with my head against the front of the sofa. I vaguely heard the door open, heard a strangled scream of “NOOOOOOOO!” and suddenly found myself being dragged out into the back yard and hosed down with water like a dog that had made a mess on the rug. “NO. NO. NO. NOOOOOO!” They had come in to find me watching a history show about Welsh stonemasons hand carving blocks of stone to rebuild a medieval fortress. Give me a break. I didn’t even own a stone chisel at the time. And I lived much farther from a stone quarry than I do now. Not to mention the climate where I lived then was not as appropriate as it is now. You have to know your limitations. You also have to know how to be patient.

So for now, I’m finishing my basement, putting final touches on the gardens, perfecting the playset, and planning my next small projects. I’m listening intently to the project ideas of my friends, like the one who suggested that I was a bit obsessive for putting an address and stamp on the 1/4 inch long letter made of chewing gum that went into the mailbox next to the sidewalk in front of this year’s gingerbread house, but I’m also recalling all the projects I’ve been patient about over the years. There are some wonderful open areas in the woods behind our house. Who knows what I could build there. History Channel anyone?

We Have Great Friends…

Sunday, January 6th, 2008

It is 2 AM and the pots and pans are finally washed, the dishes put away, the massive amounts of extra bread stocked in the deep freeze and all the guests tucked away for the night.  What a wonderful evening of feasting, music, friendship, memories and tall stories.  In a few hours, all these wonderful people that love each other like a family will get up, put on armor, and go outside to pound on each other with swords.  This is actually another thing that friends are for.